Dan Conover

Dan was born on a mayonnaise farm in Northern Illinois and raised by kindly ferrets in the suburbs of Norman, Okla. His first introduction to "normal" life came when he ran away to join the "circus," which in fact turned out to be a traveling band of Jehovah's Witnesses. After teaching him to read and right, they paroled him into the U.S. Army, where he was trained as a communist bird watcher and sent to the border of Czechoslovakia.

Eventually he became a newspaper reporter and eventually he stopped. He read a bunch of good books and met many, many interesting people, none of whom remember his name, or even the barest outline of the encounter. This knowledge convinced him that he was, in fact, a little-known form of ninja.

Today Dan is a freelance everything-doer looking for work and a little quasi-legal fun. He enjoys hot wings and cold, watery, taste-free beer, the kind with very few carbs in it. Not because he likes this kind of beer, mind you, but because it's the best he can do under the circumstances.